Why your plants are dying because you're an idiot

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There are many reasons why your plants are dying, and one of them may be simply that you're an idiot. No, of course I won't ever say that to you, but I can tell if you are an idiot by how you talk about your failures in the garden. And the good news is that if you're an idiot, and that's the reason your plants are dying, it's an easy fix.

Every once in a while people will start to tell me that no matter what they do, their plants all die. They take their receipts back to Home Depot, buy more plants, and those die. And I listen politely, especially if I think that they're going to buy the next beer.

I do a lot of nodding and smiling and saying, "Wow, that's terrible! Ain't that always the way? And yes, I'll have another beer." And then I test the waters by asking about cultural requirements. That is, does the person I'm talking to know about how to cultivate a particular plant? The amount of water it needs, sunlight requirements, hardiness? If I get a blank look on that, or God forbid an angry look, I won't talk about it anymore, I'll just relax and enjoy the day. Idiots get offended easily if they think that you think that they're idiots.

That's not to say that I haven't been an idiot. I have been on many occasions, and plan on being an idiot many more times. And those idiotic times I've thrown caution to the wind, and flew by the seat of my pants, not reading the instructions, and breaking rules. And my plants have mostly died. So as the years go by I have lost my enthusiasm for being an idiot, and instead have become a brain-picker.

Brain-pickers are actually very rare. If you've read this far, it's you. They're the people that ask, and then listen. If I'm around someone whose expertise I value, I listen to them. I ask questions, and clarify. My questions aren't idiot questions like "why do flowers always die in the garden?", my questions are seeking an answer of someone else's experience - "Why do you think that your flowers do so well in your garden?"

I've learned so much, and there's so much more to learn! I'm learning about microclimates, and everything related to cultivating plants in my climate. And I realize that a percentage of what I do will fail. A plant will do fine a few feet away from a plant that dies.

So I know you're not an idiot, don't worry about that. Now get out there and dig up some dirt!

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